Lost to you
by DelenaJate
Summary: He was there at the front of her mind as always; never seeming to let go. She thought about the numerous times he had told her he loved her and she had rejected him; too scared to admit she loved him back, too scared to take that risk for love.


**Disclaimer: Unfortunately I don't own any of the characters from Vampire Diaries; JP/KW and LJ Smith are all responsible for making these awesome characters.**

**Also, just so you know, this IS a Delena story if you have any doubts ;)**

He was there at the front of her mind as always; never seeming to let go. She thought about the numerous times he had told her he loved her and she had rejected him; too scared to admit she loved him back, too scared to take that risk for love. He was risky while Stefan was... safe.

Elena had never been the type of girl to take a massive risk by dating a guy that was seen to the world to be dangerous. Sure, she had been a typical teen at one point, going to parties, getting smashed, making out with hot guys and having sex in her best friend's bedroom with her current boyfriend; that had all changed when her parents had died and she had had to take responsibility for her life and look out for her younger brother Jeremy. But then, she had never dated a 'bad' boy or someone who was the definition of a cliché. Matt had been her longest boyfriend until she had dumped him just after the deaths of her parents and then a couple of months later, she had met Stefan.

She would be lying if she said she wasn't taken to his good looks and kindness; she would be lying if she said she hadn't fallen in love with him; because the thing was, Stefan had felt like the best thing to ever happen to her and she felt lucky to have found a guy that felt like the sun shined out her ass and she couldn't put a foot wrong; she had always been frightened of the opinions of others, but she didn't feel that way around Stefan and that's the way she liked it. She didn't have to take risks for anything, she knew she could always rely on him; sure, maybe he did rap her in cotton wool too much sometimes, but that's the way she liked it.

When she met Damon Salvatore, Stefan's younger brother, she had despised him from the moment she had known he was a vampire and was out to destroy her relationship with Stefan, and she hadn't wanted anything to do with him. It hadn't worked out like that and Elena had been shocked to see that Damon _did _have the humanity that Stefan had told her he didn't have; he had good inside him but he didn't show it because he was afraid to get hurt again after Katherine; he didn't want to develop the pain that was involved when you loved something or someone and so that meant turning off his emotions because then he wouldn't be able to feel anger nor happiness; he was indifferent the whole time. She hadn't realised that while she was seeing him more like her best friend every day, he was seeing her as someone he was in love with and wanted to spend the rest of his life with. The day Damon killed her brother, was the day everything changed.

He had pleaded with her about his love, but she had told him that it would 'always be Stefan' and he had looked at her in such pain her heart nearly broke in metaphorical pieces because although she wasn't in love with him, in that moment she wished she was because seeing him in this much pain wasn't a common occurrence and therefore watching the pain outlined on his face was a lot harder to look at. However, her emotions contrasted to this when she watched, as quick as lightning, Damon run to where Jeremy had appeared to and snapped his neck like it was just a twig. She had watched as her brother had fell to the floor, like it was slow motion, and just as Damon was about to walk away, he had looked at her with pain on his face; in that moment she had never felt so angry at him but at the same time so raw with pain and when she saw Stefan beside her trying to reassure her everything was okay, she had whispered 'I hate him' which she knew Damon heard with his vampire hearing. He had then walked away, not looking back as she went. Elena had been relieved to see her brother sigh out in a breath, but although she knew he was still alive, she knew she would never be able to forgive Damon for this; he had betrayed her – she was the only one that was his friend, who tried to convince other people he had the good in him they didn't seem to see, and then Damon and thrown it all back into her face and had killed her brother just because she didn't feel the same feelings he had for her; she would have been lying to him if she had pretended to have those feelings for him when she didn't and she would have thought Damon would respect her honesty even if it was hurting him inside.

She hadn't spoken to him for months after that. When they were forced to be near each other to defeat Katherine, she had given him the cold shoulder as he tried to win back the trust and friendship she was too stubborn to give back; what he had done was unforgivable and even the most forgiving person in the world wouldn't be able to forget something like this. Elena felt that Damon was living in a dream world if he thought she would be able to get over the fact that he had killed her brother; sure, he might have had the ring on, but the what ifs kept ringing in her head like an unstoppable force. What if Jeremy hadn't been wearing the ring?

When Elena had played at his own game and betrayed him by lying to get him to help her find information about her past, she had known that maybe she had gone a little too far. When he had said, 'you are just like Katherine', she had been stunned and also hurt. To be compared to the bitch that had ruined all their lives in a way, was beyond anything she would have expected and wanted to hear. But then she had thought, Damon had killed her brother and was now comparing _her _to a bitch. It made her beyond furious but it didn't stop the hint of hurt that she felt; Damon had hurt her so bad and she hated what they had become. She hated having to hate him, because she knew that under that anger was a good man... well vampire. She just wished he would bring out the good side in him more often.

The time she started to forgive him was when he did something that she knew wasn't for her and it was like he was doing something for other people, because he wanted to change, not for her, but for _him._ When Caroline's mom had seen Caroline's transformation and that she was a vampire, her mother had been cold hearted towards her daughter and hadn't wanted anything to do with her; her daughter had become the one thing she despised and for that, she would always have the fond memories, as fond as they could be when Caroline was your daughter, but she would pretend she had actually died and not turned into a horrible beast. Damon had tried to convince her that her daughter was still her daughter, she just had fangs and a thirst for blood now; this didn't convince Sheriff Forbes of anything, she was determined to never speak, hear or see her daughter again and even though Damon knew she was a stubborn person, he did as much as he could to get her to see the good in her daughter and that her daughter still needed her – her being a vampire didn't change that.

Elena had told him that this was the Damon that was her friend and she knew he had taken that to heart and she had thought in that moment when she had seen that look in his face, that a lot of his good doing was for _her, _because he loved her. In that moment she wondered what her real feelings for him were and whether she was in love with him after all.

While she was evaluating her feelings for Damon, she knew she had to concentrate on her relationship with Stefan which she knew was falling apart at the seams. As the days past, she could tell that Stefan's feelings for her were becoming stronger, but hers were decaying as well. The love that filled Stefan's eyes began to overwhelm her, but instead of finally acknowledging that it was the end of the relationship, she tried her best to make a go of the relationship. She knew that Stefan would never hurt her, he would always protect her and keep her in a safe bubble. Her feelings for Damon were getting stronger, but Damon was someone you couldn't have a relationship with, right?

When they finally did kiss, the kiss was filled with so much passion and longing on both parts, it completely took her by surprised. At first, Damon was rough with her, kissing her like there was no tomorrow and that to stop would mean she would leave him. Eventually, he slowed down his pace and kissed her gently; things went from one thing to another and eventually they ended up in bed together – or rather, they had sex on one of the sofas in the Salvatore boarding house and nearly everywhere else before they managed to get to his bedroom and his bed. The following morning she had felt Damon's strong arms around her, afraid to let her go again as he spooned her from behind. When he had known she was awake, he had kissed her along her neck and face, butterfly kisses before he had jumped out of bed at a quick pace and had made breakfast for them both. Elena had ruined their blissfulness though, by going back to Stefan. She knew she had broken Damon's heart again, but she knew she had to because if she stayed with him that meant there was always a chance he could hurt her and she couldn't risk her happiness; Damon would move on, right?

She was right. A month after that day with Damon, she had turned up at the boarding house to see Stefan and the person that opened the door was the last person she expected to see – Bonnie. She was in one of Damon's black t-shirts which looked huge on her, like a dress, and she was grinning like the cat that had got the cream. Elena on the other hand, was speechless.

"I was erm looking for Stefan?" She said it like a question, because her mind felt confused and she wasn't thinking straight.

"He isn't here. It's just me and Damon..." At that moment Damon had appeared and he had wrapped his arms around Bonnie, grinning leisurely when he saw Elena at the door. Elena had felt so much pain in that moment, she had made her excuses and left, without Damon or Bonnie trying to convince her to stay as she saw Damon close the door and their muffled laughter as they raced to his room for another sex session.

She had tried to hide her pain from Stefan and Bonnie when she saw how happy her best friend was. She didn't want to burst Bonnie's bubble because it was obvious to anyone that Bonnie was in love with Damon; Elena knew there was nothing she could do about it and that it was her own fault. She had had a chance with Damon and she had blown it because she had been too scared about the risks involved with dating the older Salvatore. She knew that she couldn't decide to be with him now just because of the jealousy she felt at seeing Damon and Bonnie together. Bonnie was happy and so was... Damon. She thought.

The moment she broke down in tears was when Bonnie moved in with Damon. Stefan had been begging her to move in with him for ages, but she had been reluctant to say yes because of her obvious feelings for Damon. She had been stunned when the four of them had been at the boarding house and Damon had asked Bonnie if she wanted to move in with him, proposal style. The look of pure joy on Bonnie's face should have made Elena happy, because her friend's happiness should have been what made her happy, but instead it was like another piece of her heart was snatched away, and she was slowly falling apart inside. She knew that Stefan was noticing her mood, but he never said anything. Never. She knew that while her heart was breaking over Damon, Stefan's heart was breaking over her. He wasn't willing to give her up even though it was obvious her feelings weren't in it anymore.

When another month had past and Elena had spent many a time crying in the bathroom at her home, she heard even more heart breaking news. Damon and Bonnie were moving out of Mystic Falls for good. Elena didn't say anything because she knew there was no hope for Damon and her. Damon was Bonnie's now.

She went round to the boarding house to see Stefan after she had known they had left and she saw a white envelope on the table right next to the door addressed to her in Damon's messy handwriting. She opened it and read: _It will always be you. But I know I'm lost to you_

**Okay, I know that's kind of depressing, but I wanted to cover an angle that could happen. I hope to hell that Bamon doesn't happen, but I would like to believe that if they do Elena will regret ever choosing Stefan over Damon. I'm a firm believer that Delena will be end game anyway, but you never know...**

**So, if you DID read this, well thanks for reading:D And please review. It means a lot.**


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